Obsessed much?

So I don't really consider myself a huge modern music fan. I hate listening to the radio. The whole play the same 40 songs over and over drives me nuts, and then all the talking... 

In my car there is always a CD going. At home I usually have my earbuds in and my ipod playing. Right now I've been obsessed with Adam Lambert. Got an acoustic cd from his website, that I was expecting to be only okay, since acoustic sets usually suck even for artists I love, but I have fallen madly in love with it.

I have not yet seen him perform live. I sort of avoid that if I really like an artist, because most can't translate the polish of a full set of recorded tracks, to live. It's very different to perform live, I used to sing so I know this.

About eight years ago I was pretty obsessed with Matchbox 20. I still like them, but would not pay to go to a show again. The first show I went to was shortly after their first album Yourself or Someone like you. Rob Thomas was awful. I couldn't figure out how such a terrible singer could record such a great album, but sing so badly on stage. Later it was said that he was heavily on drugs, which probably equated to the bad performance. After shelling out $50 for a ticket, I didn't want a repeat. So I waited, skipped many shows only deciding to try again a little over a year ago when Rob had done a little solo thing. This show was cheaper cause it was at a casino, but $35 is a lot per ticket, and my mom wanted to go really badly so I bought her one too. The show wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. His voice was better, the acoustics sucked and some of the songs did not translate well to an acoustic set. My mom wanted a Tshirt, but they were $35 and I said no.

Now I look back on that an the numerous other fan girl moments I've had with many artists who have turned me off with there personality and begin to wonder why I get obsessed anyway.

Before Adam was a man called Darren Hayes, former lead singer of Savage Garden, and one of the most asinine men I've ever had the displeasure to met several times. I even flew all the way to Dublin to see him once. But he's not good with people, he's very self absorbed, and now no one much cares what he does. So it makes me wonder if the music made him that way, or did he start that way? I sort of think that you have to have it inside of you to begin with.

Last night I watched a long interview with Adam who was talking about a subject that I have been hearing about a lot lately, Outsider syndrome or Impostor syndrome. It means that even though you're part of something that makes you "famous" like being a recording artist or actor or published author, you feel like you're not really one of them, that somehow you cheated to get there.

Now this is something that most of us fairly new writers can relate to, I think. At least I do. I've been writing since I was 5, and am in my thirties, only published for a little over a year, so it's still fairly new to me. It doesn't feel real sometimes. And I worry that I disappoint people even though I'm doing the best I can. It's hard being in the spotlight and having people expect things from you. And while my spotlight is no where near Adam Lambert's it's pretty hard to find the confidence to continue sometimes.

I love writing, crafting the story, building a character. I get my inspiration from lots of places, though I've never written fan fiction, scenarios often play out in my head. No I don't imagine I'm ever with Adam. That would be silly. The man is gay and has a hot boyfriend, I'm perfectly only with that. :P

You'd think knowing all this would keep me from obsessing over anyone or anything, but it doesn't. Maybe it's some weird psychological thing I just haven't read about yet. I dunno. But I'm pretty obsessed. Was thinking about flying to SFO to see him perform for xmas. I won't mostly because I'm afraid of disappointment. I do have posters of him in my house, he's very pretty, and am have a character who oddly enough came out looking a lot like him (was not intentional but hey whatever works).

So what do you guys obsess about? Am I just weird? Sorry for the long winded post.

YA Info

So I post here about my YA stuff, but I can't post there about my adult stuff. Something to do with libraries and all that so I'm being careful.

I've created a fb fan page for the YA instead of doing a whole other profile in hopes that it will limit the naked men posted to it that I will have to delete.

I'm currently slogging through my second beta for Evolution, and thinking I really need to get started on part two. Winter just makes me so tired. I need to get back in the habit of getting up early to write.

Anyway, if you're on fb and would like to add yourself to the updates please like my new YA page:http://www.facebook.com/SamKadence

Reading

I'm a crazy reader. I go through five or six books a week and I reread a lot of stuff. That being said, it's hard to find really good reads! 

In the past few weeks I've been reading a lot of YA trying to figure out what has made the YA genre grow so much in the past few years. I really think it's cause it's really not YA anymore. There is more sex and violence in most of these teen books than there was in the adult stuff I was reading.

So anyway I read this big who-ha (is that word dating me?) about this big named author who has been ousted by her publishing company and now has ghost writers writing her series. Everyone is like "be true to the series" when the original author freely admits she signed a contract that said "work for hire" which means you own nothing.

Work for hire in the writers world really means you get paid once for something you write, but they can use it over and over again and do whatever they want with it. It was actually one of the first bits of advice I ever got from another author. Unless you're a technical writer you should never write "work for hire." 

Now keep in mind this is still really popular. When people write for anthologies, that is essentially what they are doing. The publisher pays for the piece once, but can reuse it, and any element of it whenever and wherever they want. So have caution.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying the stuff the ghost writer has written for this author (not even ghost writer cause the real writer's name is on the book too), and thinking, so you were kind of not smart enough to look into your options 20 years ago and are begging for the Stephanie Meyer fame you could have had if only you'd been more informed. No sympathy. But I've never really been all that nice when it comes to people who feel they were cheated cause they didn't "know" any better.

So reading! Xmas is coming, and we all know how I feel about the holidays, but there is a positive side! Books, books, and more books!

No, no one buys me books anymore, not if they want to remain my friends anyway, but I do get gift cards and when the light is low, and there's snow outside, there is no better time to read. Snuggled up under a blanket, or with a cat on your lap (or both), and a good book, (or reader) in your hand.

I stopped into a BN this past weekend and they have those giant hardbound "classics" in for Xmas. I was eyeing the Alice in Wonderland one. But $20? I'm sure I can get that for my reader for cheaper, but I'm still tempted by the physical book. It's different to hold it in your hand, and yes I have a lot of real books.

If I could give anything to everyone for the holidays it would be books. It makes my heart hurt to find out that so many young kids can barely read. And I was there! I hated reading, it was so hard, until I was in the fifth grade and someone at the library pointed out this book about Annie Oakley. And after I'd struggled through rereading that one three times cause I liked the gun-toting chick, they gave me Bunnicula, which is where all my para love came from.

So what will I be getting my nieces for the holidays? (nevermind the giant Barbie playhouse on layaway) Oh yeah, the Bunnicula pack. And I always donate that set, as well as the Little Prince to some local reader programs.

Haven't read them yet? Why the heck not? LOL. Anyway, no matter what you do as the holidays coming at us like a million ton freight train, get reading!

You'll be surprised the places it can take you. :)

Xmas giveaways

Or solstice if you prefer. I'm looking for ideas. I had to reorder some shirts cause I ruined three trying to sign them. LOL Live and learn right?

So what should I do for a holiday giveaway? I'd like to get some reviews and rating over on Amazon, so I'm trying to figure out something to incorporate that.

A book reader maybe? Don't you all have one though?

A hoodie?

A set of the cute plushies of the boys I had made (gave away two sets at grl and have one left)?

I think probably a points system will be put in place. You get points to put your name in the bucket for prizes. Adding up multiple points of course provides better chances. Just trying to figure all that out.

So help me out. What would you want for xmas if you were the big bad winner of some crazy Lissa Kasey contest?

Real World Disabilities

I get migraines. Bad ones that take me down for at least a day, usually I can feel them coming. The funny thing is people are like oh I get headaches and I just take xyz. Yeah well I take morphine and it still doesn't help so obviously you've not had a migraine.

I was thinking earlier this week while lying in bed suffering from said migraine, that why don't we have more characters with this sort of issue? It can be just as disabling as losing a limb. I know one girl who has such bad chronic migraines she cannot work. Nothing helps, and the docs don't know why it happens. If you lose a limb they can do a prosthetic most of the time. There's nothing you can do when your brain is killing you slowly. 

Then this week I picked up a new YA novel, and low and behold the main character has migraines. Not headaches, migraines, nausea, light sensitivity, searing pain that makes it impossible to function. His pain is caused by the fact that he's a witch with crazy powers, and I'm not that cool, but still. It's nice to feel like I'm not the only one in the world for that right?

So I want to ask you guys, why do you think we don't see a lot of these disabilities in fiction? I know there's a stigma around a lot of these things. For mental illnesses it's the worst, things like being bi-polar, depression, anxiety, ocd. And then there's things like migraines, rheumatoid arthritis (which affects not just old people), and probably something else I can't think of at the moment.

I guess a second question would be, do you want to read about people with these sort of issues? We are so accepting of the physical, but what about the stuff we can't see?

Sensitive Matters

So I was reading about a favorite actor of mine today how he's been badgered about his relationships. Everyone wants to know if he's straight or gay, and he says he's only been with women but is open to love of all kinds, however, he was very badly sexually abused as a child, so has trouble with relationships in general.

Now for those who don't know anyone who's been abused, or who have not been abused themselves, it's hard to fathom what that means. For me it's a very sensitive matter. I've been there, done that. Still haven't "healed" but really what does that mean?

I think for those of us who were abused, healing is finding someone who accepts us even when we can't accept us. Now don't go thinking that we are thinking it was our fault, I hear that all the time "but it wasn't your fault." No it wasn't my fault, but that doesn't stop us from seeing ourselves different, tarnished, undesirable. Even this very attractive actor who has dated some of hollywood's most beautiful people.

Why do a lot of the people who were abused end up alone? Fear. Trusting someone again after something like that has happened is so hard. Almost impossible unless you have someone with endless patience and understanding. And let's face it, the world is filled with very self-absorbed people who don't have time for other people who may not be perfect.

I wish there were more highlights on the victims recovery, or how hard it was to recover from something like this. We had the whole Penn State scandal and I think scandal... hmm... tragedy really. So many of these people who will never have normal lives. They might try, they may fake it, they may be really good at faking it, but really it never goes away. 

I think a lot of people don't think of it the right way. Sexual abuse is rape, often continual rape. One rape is bad enough, think of it happening over and over for years. It's unfathomable.

There's just not enough protection for children, education for parents, people listening to teachers. My parents ignored all the signs. Even now my dad denies it was possible, my mom shrugs it off, as oh well, poor you. 

I'm almost 35, and single, probably will be for the rest of my life. Relationships don't last long because I find it hard to trust. I'm socially awkward because I almost feel like people can see. Somehow they all know that I was abused, probably comes out in my personality. I don't know, but it does make me pull away. I'm sensitive to other people when they are very outgoing because they are aggressive, and for me aggressive people mean abusers, that's how my abuser was.

I have written my main character Seiran in the image of the sort of emotional struggle that I've had. Though there are two ways people go from sexual abuse as a child, either they become highly sexually active, finding it's the only thing that gives them value, or they pull away completely from society. Sei threw himself into sex. As a character he is growing, but no he will never be healed from the abuse. It just doesn't happen. He has Gabe who is extremely understanding, he's seen this sort of thing before, though never been so close. But I think to come out and say that Seiran will never fear for his relationship, or be one hundred percent secure in it, would be very unrealistic. 

Even for those of you who had a normal childhood, who didn't have someone touch you and make you think you were a toy, you still have doubts, even in the greatest of relationships it's not all rainbows and sunshine. That's why I write that way. That's why my stuff has angst. The characters are fucked up, cause that's what's real. We're all fucked up. Some of us just a little more than others.

Be sure to watch for the signs in people you know and love. And check out Rainn.org for help.http://www.rainn.org/ or http://www.childhelp.org/ 

And on a side note this is not  call for sympathy, this is a call for awareness. Watch the kids around you, they give signs long before we will ever speak! 90% of those abused, know their abuser. 

And the winner is.......

Congrats to Seiran Allen-Field. You should be getting your copy of Ascendance soon!  Thank you to everyone who participated in the contest this week. I hope you enjoyed the snippets shared this week. 

Don't forget you can pick up your copy here at Dreamspinner or on Amazon!

If you enjoy it don't forget to give it your review!

Chicken Tacos

So unlike Seiran, I am not a chef of any type. I used to cook a lot and consider myself a bit of a foodie, now not so much. However, I can do the little things well. Like my five minute chicken tacos recipe. It would make Sei cringe, but it's tasty. Take one can of chicken in water (drain the water), put the chicken in a saucepan, pour in a little chicken broth, add a packet of taco seasoning, heat up your favorite tortilla shell, and once the meat has come to a boil, fill the shell.

Good stuff, I promise. And takes five minutes. You'll never even know the chicken came from a can. Promise. :)

Me and Outlines

So I had all the great intentions of getting a lot of stuff done for nano. I even made an outline. Yeah. Outline. Hah!

I've written a lot of outlines in my life, and pretty much every one of them still has no book actually finished for it. So what did I do? I trashed the outline. Trashed the 6000 words I already have finished and restarted. Going by the seat of my pants is really the only way I know how to write. Yeah I have a general idea where I'm going, but I'm a pantser.

So pardon me while I scream out my frustration at being like 10,000 words behind for nano and like 30k for my own goals. AHHHHHH!!!!

I'm also trying to be more productive in my paying job, which means I have to stop writing and actually work. Sigh. I know right? Well on to the next.

Last Day for Ascendance Contest!

Ascendance is available here!

For the contest this week you can be entered once a day with comment with your name and email address on the blog and also once for following the blog. In addition if you share this on Facebook and/or twitter that will gain you additional entries. Please comment that you have shared.  Drawing will be held and announced on Saturday Nov 10th. 


I STROLLED through an unfamiliar garden, not remembering how I’d found my way there to begin with. Flowers bloomed in some Wonderland mystery, towering above my head. The sound of water flowing nearby relaxed me to the very core of my being. Bugs as large as me passed, ignoring me in favor of their work. The ground beneath my feet shifted like freshly turned soil, yet I seemed to float over it without stumbling.

Wandering through the towering flowers, I watched the sky’s dark-blue light weave between the giant blossoms and leaves. It changed to day gradually, like a slow-moving picture. The world spun as though it were moon free, restrictive magnetic waves gone. The change could have taken me at any moment, only I feared I’d trample some of the divine growth, so I fought it. Everything glowed with power, life, and strength. I used the light of the blooms above to guide my way, though I had no idea where I was headed.
“Lost?” a masculine voice asked me.

I jumped back a step and looked around until I found a man leaning against the large stalk of an overgrown daisy. He almost seemed to blend in with the stem, though his skin was a pale cinnamon tone and his hair blood red. He wore only a pair of loose-fitting pants of some soft material that clung in places I was sure it had to be cheating to look at.

His arms, shoulders, and chest were defined like a man who worked out regularly but not obsessively. His stomach was flat, with only the faintest outline of muscles, which led to straight hips, a nicely outlined package, and long legs.

“Like what you see, Alice?” he teased, forcing my eyes back up. His smile was bright. He shook his head, sending a cascade of his long red hair rippling down his back like some shampoo commercial.

“Alice?” I couldn't help but study his face, triangular in shape. It bordered on beautiful with just the slight edge of handsome that saved him from really looking like a woman. His dark eyes, framed by a soft fringe of lashes, met mine without hesitation. Somehow I’d gotten closer to him, just feet away.

“Like the story. The little girl who got lost in a forest of oversized adventures.” He shifted and closed the distance between us. “I don’t think my ‘drink me’ potion is going to make you bigger than the flowers, but I’m sure I can show you a good time.” He looked to my crotch. “Maybe it will make you a little bigger. Temporarily, at least.”

Contest winner will be drawn tomorrow!

Ascendance Contest Continues!

Ascendance is available now! 

For the contest this week you can be entered once a day with comment with your name and email address on the blog and also once for following the blog. In addition if you share this on Facebook and/or twitter that will gain you additional entries. Please comment that you have shared.  Drawing will be held and announced on Saturday Nov 10th. 


Using my cellphone as a flashlight, I searched the walls until I found a light switch. When light flooded the main foyer, I stood in awe. This put my mom’s house to shame. The wide-open area housed a large oak tree. The leaves had fallen, scattered around the scarred wood and tile floor and the staircase that curved around it to the second level. But the trunk was wide enough around to look like one of those ancient trees you could drive a car through. Branches stretched across the room and around corners into other areas.
I touched the base and let the power wash through me. Peace, utter, nondisruptable peace. The tree napped, earth telling me it was time for most trees to rest and renew. My watch beeped 3:00 a.m., and I figured I should probably sleep too.

I carefully made my way upstairs, opening doors, revealing a mass of rooms, one after another. This place
wasn’t a house, it was a mansion. At the end of the hall to the left, a door made me pause. The faded old sign on it read:
Peace to all who enter, in heart, spirit, and soul.—Dorien

The black ink was faded, but the scrawl still had an elegant flair. My dad wrote this. Was this his bedroom? I opened the door, found the light, and stared at the room. Sadly it didn’t appear much different than any of the other rooms I’d passed. My bright yellow bag stood out as modern and loud compared to the very traditional furniture.

A little red bug that looked like a large ladybug landed on the bag and crawled around a bit. The dust made me sneeze a dozen times. The bug didn’t move. I wondered how it had gotten inside, but I opened the window and carefully let it crawl into my hand so I could let it outside. The damn thing bit me before it flew out into the darkness toward an overgrowth of weeds in the back of the house. Obviously not a ladybug, then. Must have been an Asian beetle or something. At least with the window open, the soft breeze eased the musty smell of the house.

The bed was already stripped of linens, but covered with a dust cloth. I carefully peeled it back, then dug in all the closets until I came across sheets that didn’t smell like they’d been put away for years, and made the bed. The bathroom needed dusting too but was otherwise clean.

I stripped out of my clothes and slid into bed, too tired to think about anything else. Sleepiness took over even while I missed Gabe’s arms around me. Some adventures just weren’t lollipops and rainbows, and that was okay. I closed my eyes and let sleep take the self-doubt away.

Ascendance Release Day!

Now Available! Click here for your copy!

For the contest this week you can be entered once a day with comment with your name and email address on the blog and also once for following the blog. In addition if you share this on Facebook and/or twitter that will gain you additional entries. Please comment that you have shared.  Drawing will be held and announced on Saturday Nov 10th. 


By the time we got home, I expected Gabe to be waiting for me in the condo. He wasn't.  Everything was dark and cold, or at least it felt that way to me. The time was past nine and surely not that late for a vampire, but late for me. Jamie dropped my stuff off for me. He and Kelly left for his place upstairs, looking like they’d be having some good intimate time together.

I sighed to the empty room. The luggage at my side had seemed like such a good idea at the time. I’d sort of expected Gabe to be here and see it, then talk me out of going. Maybe this trip was really meant to be.
After detagging and stuffing my new things into the washer, I called the number on the letter that had been sent to me. Jamie told me to leave it for Gabe, but he had other things to occupy him right now, mainly Sam. The lawyer, a man by the name of Jonathon Odagiri, told me he would arrange for a car to pick me up at the airport and take me to the estate. Did that mean the house was mine? What would I do with a house in California?

I worked on laundry, packed, and debated what I would say if someone came back before I left for the airport.

Ascendance Release Week Contest continues.

I am continuing the contest for a free copy of my new release Ascendance. For the contest this week you can be entered once a day with comment with your name and email address on the blog and also once for following the blog. In addition if you share this on Facebook and/or twitter that will gain you additional entries. Please comment that you have shared.  Drawing will be held and announced on Saturday Nov 10th. 


Christmas was so not my holiday. My mom, Tanaka Rou, a leader of the Dominion, had always made a show of having a big party for Solstice, presenting a big tree, cut fresh each year, in the foyer, full of decoration. Beneath the tree sat hundreds of multicolored presents for little Dominion girls. The giggling and rushing of fluttery dresses always annoyed me. I remember sitting on the top of the stairs watching those unknown girls tear into gifts from a mother from whom I’d never received a single present.

Gabe paused and turned my way, patting Sam on the shoulder before skipping back to me, eyes twinkling and smile huge. He was just a big kid and Christmas was his thing. “They aren't very big, but they smell nice.”

They smelled like dead tree and cleaner. I just smiled at him. He sighed and pulled me away from Jamie, hugging me tight. “I can get a fake one if you want.”

’Cause plastic smelled so much better than cleaner, right. I shook my head at him, then kissed his nose. I could make compromises too. He wanted a dying tree in his living room, so be it. “Go pick your tree.”

“You sure?”

“Yep.” The faster he picked the tree, the faster I was in the warm car headed for home and maybe some snuggling. A recipe for cocoa sat on the counter next to the stove, a little smiley face drawn on it by Kelly. Nothing said Solstice more than the smell of melting chocolate, cream, and cinnamon.

Ascendance Release week! Contest starts!

Here is a snippet from this week's release Ascendance. Available for pre-order here. 


“Tresler.” One of the Tri-Mega, head vampires, was calling me. My heart pounded, and my blood felt like ice water running through my veins. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m interested in how you feel about being Gabriel’s focus.”

“Is he in trouble?”

“Of course not. He’s filed all the correct paperwork. We’ve approved his request to form a nest.” He sounded amused. “What interesting vampires will he create, being bound to the most powerful earth witch in the world, I wonder?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m the most powerful witch in the world.”

Tresler’s laughter sounded creepy and intimidating, even over the phone. But I suppose any guy who could probably melt your brain by just looking at you should have a scary laugh. “So unexpectedly modest.”

“Is there something I can help you with?” I finally said after a moment of silent debating on how to reply.

“Have you seen any unusual vampires around lately?”

“No.”

“Good.” The phone buzzed in my ear. What the hell? I shoved it in my pocket and made a mental note to ask Gabe about Tresler’s odd behavior later.

When I walked into my condo, Kelly sat sprawled out on the couch watching football. I went to the bathroom, turned on the jets in the tub, and waited for the steamy water to fill up before stripping down, putting a clear plastic baggy over my reader, and settling into a new book. Surely some hot guy would get his ass pounded by a warrior with a huge rod. That was the kind of escape I needed.

My mind wandered a few times to the letter. My uncle had left me stuff. Why hadn’t he left anything for Jamie? Was Jamie just not telling me he got a letter too? What had my father been like? I knew he’d been one of the leaders of the Ascendance, but everything I knew of the Ascendance reminded me of Andrew Roman, who had been an evil man. Where had the corruption begun? Had my father known? Had his brother been involved with the Ascendance too?


For the contest this week you can be entered once a day with comment with your name and email address on the blog and also once for following the blog. In addition if you share this on Facebook and/or twitter that will gain you additional entries. Please comment that you have shared.  Drawing will be held and announced on Saturday Nov 10th. 

Blog Contest Starts Monday!

In celebration of Ascendance's release day this week I'm holding a contest. I'll have a snippet of Ascendance up Monday through Friday of this week. Each day you comment is an entry into the drawing for a copy of Ascendance. In addition, if you follow the blog you also receive an entry into the contest. Winner will be announced Saturday November 10th. 

Nano Begins

So I had the bright idea that I would get up early and get started. Yeah, well that didn't happen. LOL. So I get to work and the internet isn't working, which means it's hard to do my job, so instead of picking up something new I'm fixing Evolution, to make it more YA like it was originally. 

I will get to starting with Mica today (meeka) and the apocalypse story.

Got to work this morning, hung my coat and a co-worker came up to talk to me and all of a sudden I notice this huge white spider crawling on my coat. AHHH! My thought was did I drive all the way to work with that spider in my coat or did it jump on from the hook I put it on. OMG. Yeah I should go back to bed.