Thursday, November 29, 2012

Obsessed much?

So I don't really consider myself a huge modern music fan. I hate listening to the radio. The whole play the same 40 songs over and over drives me nuts, and then all the talking... 

In my car there is always a CD going. At home I usually have my earbuds in and my ipod playing. Right now I've been obsessed with Adam Lambert. Got an acoustic cd from his website, that I was expecting to be only okay, since acoustic sets usually suck even for artists I love, but I have fallen madly in love with it.

I have not yet seen him perform live. I sort of avoid that if I really like an artist, because most can't translate the polish of a full set of recorded tracks, to live. It's very different to perform live, I used to sing so I know this.

About eight years ago I was pretty obsessed with Matchbox 20. I still like them, but would not pay to go to a show again. The first show I went to was shortly after their first album Yourself or Someone like you. Rob Thomas was awful. I couldn't figure out how such a terrible singer could record such a great album, but sing so badly on stage. Later it was said that he was heavily on drugs, which probably equated to the bad performance. After shelling out $50 for a ticket, I didn't want a repeat. So I waited, skipped many shows only deciding to try again a little over a year ago when Rob had done a little solo thing. This show was cheaper cause it was at a casino, but $35 is a lot per ticket, and my mom wanted to go really badly so I bought her one too. The show wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. His voice was better, the acoustics sucked and some of the songs did not translate well to an acoustic set. My mom wanted a Tshirt, but they were $35 and I said no.

Now I look back on that an the numerous other fan girl moments I've had with many artists who have turned me off with there personality and begin to wonder why I get obsessed anyway.

Before Adam was a man called Darren Hayes, former lead singer of Savage Garden, and one of the most asinine men I've ever had the displeasure to met several times. I even flew all the way to Dublin to see him once. But he's not good with people, he's very self absorbed, and now no one much cares what he does. So it makes me wonder if the music made him that way, or did he start that way? I sort of think that you have to have it inside of you to begin with.

Last night I watched a long interview with Adam who was talking about a subject that I have been hearing about a lot lately, Outsider syndrome or Impostor syndrome. It means that even though you're part of something that makes you "famous" like being a recording artist or actor or published author, you feel like you're not really one of them, that somehow you cheated to get there.

Now this is something that most of us fairly new writers can relate to, I think. At least I do. I've been writing since I was 5, and am in my thirties, only published for a little over a year, so it's still fairly new to me. It doesn't feel real sometimes. And I worry that I disappoint people even though I'm doing the best I can. It's hard being in the spotlight and having people expect things from you. And while my spotlight is no where near Adam Lambert's it's pretty hard to find the confidence to continue sometimes.

I love writing, crafting the story, building a character. I get my inspiration from lots of places, though I've never written fan fiction, scenarios often play out in my head. No I don't imagine I'm ever with Adam. That would be silly. The man is gay and has a hot boyfriend, I'm perfectly only with that. :P

You'd think knowing all this would keep me from obsessing over anyone or anything, but it doesn't. Maybe it's some weird psychological thing I just haven't read about yet. I dunno. But I'm pretty obsessed. Was thinking about flying to SFO to see him perform for xmas. I won't mostly because I'm afraid of disappointment. I do have posters of him in my house, he's very pretty, and am have a character who oddly enough came out looking a lot like him (was not intentional but hey whatever works).

So what do you guys obsess about? Am I just weird? Sorry for the long winded post.

No comments:

Post a Comment